


My Dear, My Love, My Past

by manfrogs



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: BECAUSE THESE BOY ARE THE PUREST AND THEY DESERVE THE WORLD, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, and some side old men love, eyezooms to leopika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 12:07:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8013154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manfrogs/pseuds/manfrogs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even after they went on different paths, Killua couldn’t stop thinking about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Dear, My Love, My Past

**Author's Note:**

> oKAY HELLO so alluka's a girl here alright, I STRONGLY BELIEVE IN THE FACT THAT SHE IS TRANS *SLAMS FIST ON TABLE* if you don't like it, please don't read it. it's pretty much canon tbh so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ i also apologise in advance if there are any mistakes!  
> (also posted this on [writing tungle](http://shigadabi.tumblr.com/post/150271393805/hunter-x-hunter-killugon-18k-fluff-bc-they-are) ;0)

It had been years since they had last met -- three years, if Killua had to be exact.

Though he had promised Gon to stay with him even after they had explored the Dark Continent together, the family still was a thorn on his side, specifically Illumi and the annoying old hag called his mother, regarding Alluka.

Killua loved Alluka -- that was a well-known fact to many, especially to the servants of the Zoldyck household. It was not a surprise when Canary rang up to alert him that Illumi sent out dummies to hunt Alluka down, since some rat had caught her scent, even after he was sure to have hidden his precious sister.

It was Alluka who made him leave Gon, yet it was her who convinced Killua to go back, for both occasions. With her guilt-ridden face and red ears, it was obvious that Alluka felt that she was being a bother between her brother and his best friend's relationship. Killua's lips curl into a soft smile, reserved solely for Alluka (and maybe Gon), and ruffles Alluka's hair, sorry about making her feel that way.

"Don't feel bad now alright," he said, smile wide and sincere. "Your big brother's feeling good because you're with me now!" Alluka gazes up at him, eyes looking a little teary, and murmurs a soft "okay" as she grabs Killua's hand before they set out on a journey to escape from the grasp of the notorious Illumi.

Sure, three years did not seem long, considering both of them were Hunters. But never once did Killua thought Alluka was a burden. He and Gon still kept in touch, occasionally calling each other, before Gon would disappear, just like his father, Killua realises, before shaking his head affectionately, and then feeling his cheeks turn red as he realizes Alluka was watching him. She would giggle and send him a knowing smile, making Killua embarrassed.

Of course, to Killua, his relationship with Gon was the most special one yet. After all, he spent his childhood training to be a Zoldyck assassin and the leader of the clan, under the wing of not just his father, but his oldest brother, who subjected him to emotional torture.

Shivers would run down Killua's spine as he thought about his childhood. His hand wrapped around Alluka would tighten, as his resolve to never let Alluka fall into their hands again grows stronger.

Leorio offered help to assist in the hiding of Alluka, but Killua rejected it. "You old man," he snorted, "Do you really think that just because you're part of the Zodiac, you'd be able to stop Illumi from having his way? Think again!" And that shut Leorio up at once, without even giving him a chance to retort at Killua's mention of him being old.

Kurapika cuts in, his tongue clicking at Leorio for being so dumb, says gently, "Since the Zodiac won't be able to help you, why don't you stay with Alluka? Gon's gotten back his Nen, and you know better than others how capable he is alone, even though he can be a little naive at times."

Killua chews his lip. He knew very well, that Gon can go on exploring in the Dark Continent by himself after what they had been through. But he hated it. He hated the fact that it meant that Gon would need to find a new partner, and he might be replaced. It meant that their relationship, after what they had built up over that long period of time, might crumble into dust.

But what he hated the most was that he was doubting Gon, even after all he had said to Killua, about him being his most precious friend.

A stray tear rolls down his cheek. Leorio sits by silently for once, and Kurapika stands to give Killua a hard slap on that back. "I know it's hard, but Alluka needs you more this time."

And three years flew by just like that.

Killua finally hit his eighteenth birthday, Alluka turning fifteen, honing her skills as she stayed at home, while Killua took up odd requests to earn a living, and also took part in fights in order to keep in shape.

A day never passed where Killua would look up at the night sky, nostalgic, memories of he and Gon's journeys running through his head. He was happy with where he was, with Alluka by his side, knowing she was safe from Illumi. But he knew he would be happier with Gon by his side, with his carefree remarks, and his sudden outbursts of affection for Killua, as he looks at his best friend with such loving eyes, Killua could not help but feel vulnerable.

"Hey, Nii-chan, do you love Gon?" Alluka asks one evening during dinner, where it was one of those days where Killua was missing Gon more than usual, the heart in his chest heavy.

He could only look at her with alarm, his head running around in circles, not knowing what to say. She simply smiled, before sheepishly saying, "It's been a while since you've said anything about Gon but each time you talked about him, your eyes would light up, and you'd tell me all about him again." She pauses to stuff a spoonful of rice in her mouth. "Not only that, but you'll always end up breathless and red. It's cute."

It was at that moment where everything fell into place. Killua wasn't exactly taught what love was by his parents, or by anyone really, only being able to watch from the sidelines, particularly Kurapika and Leorio, where the couple usually fought over whose turn it was to do the dishes, or to watch the TV, ending up with Leorio losing the argument, leaving him annoyed, while Kurapika had the trademark smug look engraved on his face.

They were not the best couple however, for Killua to take advice from, knowing full well that Leorio would get all sappy and cheesy and it was gross, and Kurapika would try to explain love with statistics and using his matter-of-fact voice.

Deep in his heart, Killua knew, he loved Gon. More than as a best friend. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, and decided that if it was needed, he would even give up his life for Gon, trusting that he would take up the responsibility in caring for Alluka in his place.

Thinking about it made Killua's heart race, and his face feel hot. It was embarrassing to be thinking about such thoughts regarding his best friend. He tried to reason that it was just because they have not met in so long, Killua was just craving for more interaction with the other male who knew him best.

But Gon had beaten him to it.

A couple of months later, Gon called up, his voice cheerful and earnest, telling Killua about how excited he was to be able to see him again together with Alluka after all those years, before going on wondering about whether Killua had been working on his Nen techniques, to which Killua sourly shot back at, leading to Gon break into a hearty laugh.

Killua felt his breathing come to a halt, before he wheezes, Gon sounding worried over the phone, though his voice was raspy, concerned. "I'm okay," he coughed out, wishing Gon had issued out a warning. "Go on."

Gon didn't dare to talk for about half a minute, before he hesitantly continues, and finally he gets back the same fervor as before, enthusiastically talking about what he planned to do with Killua when he gets to the town he and Alluka had been staying at for the past few months.

It was only then when Killua connected the dots.

"You're coming _here_?!" He yelled into the phone, breathless.

Gon snorts at the other end of the line. "You've just realized? I've been talking about it ever since the call started!"

Killua shook his head disbelievingly. But it was Gon Freeces after all. Leave it up to him to suddenly appear out of nowhere.

Before the call ended, Killua could hear Gon take a sharp intake of breath, before he says softly, "Bye Killua, I can't wait to see you." A pause. And then he adds, softer than before, "I love you." And he hung up before Killua could even process what had happened.

Alluka was ecstatic to know that Gon was coming to visit. She knew that Gon would be bringing a lot of stories and souvenirs from his travels in the Dark Continent, and other places, which excited her. Killua loved seeing Alluka like this. He puts his elbow on the table, resting his head on his hand as Alluka babbled on and on, about Gon, the Dark Continent, about this, and about that, trying to put his mind off Gon's quiet confession, knowing it would just mess him up.

The doorbell rings, and Killua feels his heart race. He scolds himself for doing that. Even after all these months of having these feelings locked inside him, he still couldn't get over the fact that Gon could make him go so soft like that.

His sister lets out an eager yelp as she races to the door, eyes bright, lips breaking into a wide beaming smile as she ushered Gon in, dragging in a load of suit cases behind him, his signature grin etched on his face.

It felt as if time had stop for Killua, and he stops at the doorway, leaning against it, an eyebrow raised, knowing that his lips were curled into a cheeky boyish smile.

"Hey," Gon said, out of breath, cheeks flushed, skin tanner than before, biceps more defined. And sweaty, Killua noted. He probably ran here. Killua feels blood running to his cheeks as he notices what he was thinking about.

"Hey right back at you," he hears himself reply, as equally out of breath. _Way to go, you smooth fucker,_ Killua tells himself, breaking into a scowl that only his subconscious could see. He could not believe that Gon Freeces was turning him into a hot mess.

Alluka had somehow managed to sneak out of the room, Killua knowing that she did it to give them some space, that sly fox. It was her way of telling him that it was okay, that she’ll be fine, and it was high time for him to seek out happiness for himself.

As Killua struggled to find words to say, he catches sight of Gon gazing at him with those eyes, so full of sincerity, just like a puppy. He swallows the lump in his throat, stuttering on his words. "Well, um, this way to the kitchen."

Just as he turned to make his way further into the house, Gon grabs his hand, big and warm, before turning Killua around to face him, pulling him in for a kiss. Gon rests his forehead on Killua's, cheeks redder than before, and Killua couldn't help but giggle, before breaking into a teasing laugh, leaving Gon flustered.

"H-hey! What's so funny?" He whines, huffing a bit. Gon didn't change one bit. Despite his appearance, he was still the same boyish him inside.

This time, it was Killua who pulls him in for a kiss, before whispering, "I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> i've been wanting to write some hxh content right now, and here it is! i really enjoyed writing this, even though it's like 2am right now. i hope you guys enjoyed this!


End file.
